By Sally Lanham

As part of my practice, I do some wills, trusts and probates. If things are too much, I forward them on to Shelley Buckholtz. She has the tax expertise that goes into complicated estate planning.

I do some simple wills and trusts for couples with modest estates, and with children. Our meetings are usually straightforward. They have thought everything out. They have the names and addresses of their executors, their trustees and the children's potential guardians. They are ready to make the hard choices required for Living Wills.

The meeting proceeds smoothly until I let the following words come out of my mouth: Who would you like to name as an alternate guardian for your children?

The room becomes silent. The couple looks at each other and more times than not, each pronounces the name of a different person. At the same instant, each person grimaces in a way that lets you know this will not be an easy decision.

"Well, I certainly don't want his sister!"

"Well, they are not going to your mom; she would be a horrible mother."

"What do you mean? I turned out okay, didn't I?"

Silence.

It is usually very difficult and complicated to find the right fit for your child. The people who you designate may decide, after the fact, that they can not handle the job. It can be heart wrenching for everyone and the problem can not all ways be solved simply. Finding more than on situation for a child is a challenge, finding an alternative is even more difficult.

In the end, I let the couples know that each can choose the guardian that he or she wants. I remind most of them that these provisions come into play only in the most dire of circumstances.

I am always glad not to be in their car as they are driving home.